You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
