you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
