You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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