i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
