don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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