Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
