Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
