i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
