So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
