oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
