please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
