I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
