the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
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When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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