her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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