Umm I'm too high to move.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
