oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
