why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
