Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
