See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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