cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
