Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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