Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
