She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize