There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
