grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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