If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
