Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
