A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
