whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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