At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
