I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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