I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
