I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
