This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
