oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
