My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The Olympian is in my bed
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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