I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
