Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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