can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dicks are not precious.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
