He asked me if I "almost moaned"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
