Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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