shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
