my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
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When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
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He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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