roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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