I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
