he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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