so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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