I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
