Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
