bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
