Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
