Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
