I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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