That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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