Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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