ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
