Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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