Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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