Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
