Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
