He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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