ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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