this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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