so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
