Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
