3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
