His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
