The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
my liver is dry heaving
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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