it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
