I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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