my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
