i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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