Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
